How many times have you waited for someone else to decide if you were worth a second date, a text back, a life together?

I stepped off the familiar path and into something wildly different. What began as curiosity about polyamory soon expanded into ethical non-monogamy and, eventually, full-on relationship anarchy.

I have a confession to make: I don’t know if I was meant to be a mom.

2009 I remember laying in bed, the alarm buzzing obnoxiously in the background as I opened my eyes and thought, “Really, God? Again?” The night before, I had made a bargain with Him as I cried myself to sleep, that I would fall asleep and never wake up, a stroke, a brain aneurysm, anything peaceful. Apparently, He hadn’t kept up with His part of the bargain, because the sun was shining in my eyes and the puffy feeling in my face from ugly crying was proof that this was no